Wednesday is "Party With the Don" Night

So I had kind of a rough day. The general summary goes something like:
-I've been in town for almost two weeks and Phil has refused to spend any time with me but won't really explain why.
-I'm not good at controlling my emotions when it comes to him, so I got all weepy and demanding and "Why will you not see me?! Please, for the LOVE OF GOD, give me an actual reason so that I can have some sort of explanation" and that's the absolute wrong thing to do with him because his ways of coping with problems are a) pretending they don't exist, b) stonewalling and giving the silent treatment, and c) not ever giving an actual, reasonable explanation ever because he tends to only live in the present and therefore he rarely has [what I would consider a] reasonable explanation for any of his life decisions. These are reasons number #32, 33, and 34 why we can't date each other anymore, by the way. Because if there's anyone that needs at least a semi-logical explanation for everything, it's ME. Uh, have you met me? Yeah.
-His final explanation was "There's too much negative history between us for us to actually be together in person. It would be weird. We can be friends on IM and through texts, but not in real life." If someone can explain the logic behind this decision to me, please, please do. Because the only way it logically makes sense to me is "He can't be around me because he's not really over me and he's afraid that something physical would happen if we were in the same room at the same time." But that explanation is perhaps a bit too flattering to me, and he says that's not it. So what is it? I'm truly baffled, and he won't explain.
-In my opinion, there's no point in being friends through an electronic medium if we can't actually spend time together in real life (Jesus Christ, am I a 21st century girl or what?) so I ended up sending him a message that said something to the effect of, "Talk to me when you feel capable of being a real friend who understands compromise and the fact that a friendship is based on the wants/needs of TWO people and doesn't have one person calling the shots all the time."
-I told him I'll always be there for him, I'll be here when he wants to have a normal friendship again, and that I'll miss him in the meantime. And that's true. I'm bummed about the whole thing. I just feel like I put so much effort into maintaining this friendship, but in the end it's important to me but not to him. And I know there's nothing I can do to change that fact, but it still sucks.
-Do you think I'm being crazy and irrational for wanting an explanation when someone who has been a major part of my life for seven years as a boyfriend/friend suddenly decides he doesn't want me as a part of his "real" life at all whatsoever? He's trying to make me feel like a psychopath, but I don't think I'm being so very crazy for having demanded some sort of explanation, even if it took a lot of phone calls/texts to finally get him to give me his reason. Am I?
-I have a suspicion that the main reason he doesn't want to see me is that he has a girlfriend right now and he's paranoid that hanging out with me will somehow jeopardize their relationship. That's his issue, not mine, but it sucks that my life gets affected in a negative way because apparently he doubts his ability to be just friends with an ex while he's in a relationship. It also sucks that he can't get up the balls to admit to me that that's the real reason he doesn't want to see me.
-And if in fact a "negative history" is an actual reason why he doesn't want to spend time with me, then I feel sorry for him, too. I'm not a big grudge holder. I tend to let the past be the past, and usually within a year or so I have totally forgotten why I dislike someone in the first place, especially if the issue that pushed us apart is completely IN THE PAST. Sometimes you dislike people for situational reasons. I'm dating her most recent ex-boyfriend, he got the promotion I wanted, etc. And as soon as it's in the past, I'm willing to at least try to start fresh. I'm a three-strikes-you're-out sort of girl. I'll try to start over with you three times, and if we STILL hate each other, for whatever reason, then I throw in the towel. Apparently some people aren't like that. Apparently Phil wants to focus on the negative, as opposed to the times when we were madly in love with each other and had fun and funny times together. He'd rather focus on the times we both hurt each other, even though I'd say at this point that we've both hurt each other equally and the best thing we could do is let it be water under the bridge. Especially since we have both done a lot of apologizing. There's nothing I can do to change his focus on the negative, but it does make me sad.
-I also have this theory that to get over me, he just can't be around me at all whatsoever. Partially this theory is to make me feel better about myself, but I suspect there's a lot of truth in this theory, too. Why else couldn't he be around me once or twice a month without assuming he would freak out and it would be awkward? I consider myself perfectly capable of being around him without wanting to sleep with him/date him again, so why can't he be the same way around me? Again, it's his issue and not mine, but it still makes me sad.
-A mutual friend of ours made me feel better by telling me, "Phil is weird. He was weird when you're dating him and he's weird now." So I'm sincerely trying to focus on his bad points instead of his good points.
-Finally, I keep trying to tell myself that his wanting to make a clean break is a good thing. I put a lot of energy into maintaining our friendship, but maybe I'd be better off putting that energy elsewhere. I'm smart, I'm pretty, I'm fun, I'm not crazy (contrary to what Phil would have you believe, I suppose), I support myself and I'm not some sort of leech, I like a good adventure, I'm easy-going, I'm friendly, I'm loyal. Someone will appreciate those traits as a lover or friend. Phil is failing to see them because of his own issues, and that has nothing to do with me, even if my inability to get him past his petty issues does make me feel like something of a failure sometimes.

Woohoo, way to get all personal on the blog. I guess this is why I'm pseudonymous now.

I did have fun tonight, though, I went out with my parents to this sushi bar that is sort of hip and trendy and thoughtfully designed and really doesn't seem like it belongs in my hometown at all. Or at least it didn't until this little girl came in selling candy bars from table to table, and suddenly the whole mood was shot and I was like, "Oh yeah. Not in Dallas after all." I love that in the years that I have been gone my hometown has begun to blossom in a lot of ways. There are a lot of places you can go here now that you would have had to drive 500+ miles to visit ten years ago. But sometimes there's still no escaping the fact that this is a very big city where the average annual income is barely $20,000 a year, if that. And yet that's also part of this particular city's charm. Anyway. Then we went over to the bar where I work and I joked around with a couple of my coworkers for a while and Dad and I did three shots of Don Julio (because it's Party With the Don night on Wednesdays) and now I'm sort of buzzed and wishing I had someone fun to go out with since it's only 11:40 now, but that's the story of my life these days.

I'd like to try to make some of my own friends here [as opposed to people I know through Phil, which is all I had before], but at the same time I'm here for such a short time that I'm sort of like, "What's the point?" But we'll see. Maybe some interesting people will come into the picture before the next two months are over.

Or I could just wait until I move to my new home in August. There had better be some interesting people (and by "people", I guess I mostly mean guys) there, because this is getting ridiculous.

P.S.-For some reason I feel the need to point out that had Phil wanted to stay with me, I honestly think we could have had a good relationship. I think if we had actually headed in the direction of marriage in Feb. of '06--which is what I thought was happening--that we would have had a very good life together. But things change, and he has made a very big deal about how we're just not compatible anymore, so I agree with him because what other choice do I have? And I suppose he does have a point, now that he has made such major personality changes. But I miss the man I fell in love with, and I wish he hadn't made such an effort in the past year or two to ditch that side of himself completely.