Boys Will be Boys

So Phil wrote this blog entry about how he hates when people lose themselves when they begin a new relationship and start turning into someone else completely and stop answering text messages, etc.* And I don't know why I read his blog entries at all, but I do. They're not about personal stuff, usually. But this one made me want to scream, "FUCKING HYPOCRITE". It made me so angry, in fact, that I almost commented on his blog, "Well, that's the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?" and it took every ounce of my willpower not to respond to his entry and point out all the dozens of ways he himself has done exactly what he is complaining about whenever he has started a new relationship. But I realize we're all hypocritical about a lot of things and I suppose he didn't specifically say that he himself doesn't do this, just that he hates when other people do it. But damn, I hope he realizes how guilty he is of exactly what he's accusing other people of doing. Because he's actually the very worst person I know about losing himself completely when he starts a new relationship; cutting off contact with his old friends, failing to answer innocent phone calls/text messages, etc. Case in point: his behavior toward me this summer. [I'm sorry to harp on this again, but if someone can give me a compelling reason why he cut me out of his life, something other than "he has a new girl he's seeing", then I would like to hear it.]
At any rate, I'm proud of myself for not bitching directly to him. And I don't think he reads my blog, so really I'm not bitching to him at all. I still keep hoping he'll come to his senses and realize he really doesn't want to burn yet another bridge by cutting me out of his life, but I'm also trying to be strong and just stay out of his life for a while (possibly a long while) since that's what he wants.

Maybe my reward for this will be that one day, I'll meet a guy that does what I want, at least part of the time. I'm realizing lately that while I'm good at getting the little superficial things that I want in relationships, I'm not great at holding my ground and getting the big things I need. I don't like confrontation, and I'm also a very easy going person. I really am. Not in every way, but in many ways I'm easy going almost to a fault, because most of the time I end up just letting the guy see me when he feels like it, have serious discussions when he feels like it, etc. Most of this is because I really am just that easy going--I don't care that much about many of the details, and a lot of times it's just easier to do it his way, end of story. But part of this is probably also a self esteem issue I need to work on. I could stand to be as demanding in the actual relationship as I am in my head. I'll be working on that for the future.

On a completely unrelated note, my sister and her boyfriend are in town for a few days so tonight I was with my siblings and a group of people at a bar. My brother has never really had a serious girlfriend, although I'm not sure why. Sure, I'm a bit biased since I'm related to him and share his genes, but I think he's a pretty good looking guy. He's also funny and can carry on a good conversation and he's a smart kid. So I'm not sure why he doesn't seem to date a lot of girls. Maybe he's just kind of shy. I see a bit of myself in him, actually. I don't know if he'd agree with this assessment, but I'd say we're both the sort of people that aren't going to go for something unless we're relatively sure we're going to acheive it, particularly when it comes to dating. I'm not going to approach a guy unless I'm fairly positive the results are going to be favorable, and I think my brother is the same way about girls. Luckily this hasn't handicapped me too terribly because guys will still approach me. But because my brother isn't willing to approach a lot of girls, he doesn't get as much action as I think he probably could.
So anyway, I was proud tonight to see that he was talking to this cute little dark-haired girl. There was definite flirting going on; they were playing beer pong and there was a lot of high fiving and laughing. But then the beer pong game broke up and my brother came over and sat down beside me at the bar, and we were talking when she came up to him to say goodnight. And I saw it. It was brief, but I think I'm pretty good at reading other girls, and she definitely sized me up briefly. She looked me up and down really quickly, gave me the tiniest hint of a "back off, I'm on this one" look, and then hugged my brother goodbye and told him to call her. And of course I smiled and tried to look as non-threatening and non-possessive as possible. In retrospect I probably should have said, "Hi, I'm his sister, A" but I didn't want to embarrass him in case he didn't want her to know he was hanging out with relatives and anyway, I figured he would introduce me to her if it were important to him. Well, he didn't say anything, so after she left I asked him, "Does she know I'm your sister?" and he said, "Of course not, why would she know that?!" and I said, "Well, you'd better let her know the next time you see her, because I think she thought that maybe I was another girl you were flirting with, and you don't want her to worry for nothing." His response? "Yes I do! That's great if she thinks she has competition!"

Boys.

*You can read it if you know who Phil is and are his Facebook friend, he posts the link there. I'm not going to bother linking it from here.