Monday, December 24, 2007

Newspaper Fun

I like my hometown a lot. I really do. I didn't exactly love it when I was growing up, but I disliked it for the same reason that the vast majority of teenagers across America dislike their hometowns: if you've lived somewhere your entire life, it gets completely routine after a while, so you end up spending a lot of time moaning, "Why does our mall SUCK? Why is there nowhere fun to go on a Friday night? I don't want to go to the bowling alley AGAIN."
And then you grow up and realize that by the time they were eighteen years old, pretty much everyone was at least somewhat sick of their hometowns, and nowadays I honestly believe that I could have grown up in the most exciting city on earth and by the time I was eighteen I would have wanted to like, move to a cabin in the woods or something. The grass is always greener, and all that.
Now, however, I've spent a quarter of my life living somewhere other than the city where I grew up, and my appreciation for my hometown has increased ten-fold. I appreciate the food, I appreciate the scenery, I appreciate the people [This is a contribution from my parents' new kitten, whom they inexplicably named "Monstro", ala the whale in Pinocchio, even though he's tiny and orange and about as unwhalelike as possible: tgfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgvvvvvv]. It helps that my hometown has also really improved since I was a teenager. It has grown a lot and gotten a ton of new stores and restaurants and the nightlife has improved exponentially as well, so it's not just a change of perspective on my part, it's really not as boring here as it used to be. I still don't know that I'll ever come back here and live full-time, partially because there's not much for me to do career-wise here, and partially because my parents don't act like they're going to retire here anyway. Still, I enjoy coming home.

One of my favorite things about my hometown is its shoddy journalism. I'm not kidding, I seriously look forward to going through the paper every morning when I'm home to find the funniest headline of the day. I don't think that this is the case just in my hometown,actually. I'm pretty sure most newspapers kind of suck these days, it's just that I notice it more when I'm home because my parents still subscribe to the newspaper. While I think there are some very bright and talented journalists out there (I know a couple of them personally and can vouch for their skills), the vast majority of newspaper writing today doesn't seem to have much thought behind it. I'm not saying all writing needs to have much thought behind it. Lord knows there's actually very little thought behind about 3/4ths of what I write. But, tell me that this isn't a bit ridiculous:

From today's local newspaper:
"Thousands Expected to Attend Church Tomorrow"
Why is this news? Tomorrow is Christmas, of course thousands are going to attend church tomorrow!

From the college newspaper:
A sidebar accompanies an article on studying for finals. At the top of the sidebar it says, "How to Avoid an All-Nighter". The first suggestion? "Go to bed early." What?! What does that suggestion even mean? Presumably you're only pulling an all-nighter because you have no choice because you have to get something done before tomorrow. Going to bed early won't exactly solve the problem of getting your work done. Also, OBVIOUSLY if you go to bed early, you are avoiding an all-nighter. And it's not like the suggestion said or even implied, "Go to bed early, sleep for a few hours, and then get up and finish your project." That would have made sense, sort of. As I read the suggestions, it seems like the sidebar should have actually been entitled, "How to Avoid Insomnia." Insomnia that causes you to be up all night and an all-nighter are not the same thing.

"Finally, here's my favorite, also from this morning's local paper:
76% of [City Residents] Believe in Santa Claus"
My sister and I died laughing when we read that this morning. Once she actually stopped laughing hard enough to read the article, it turned out that 76% of people believe in the idea of the spirit of Santa Claus and teach their children about Santa and all that. Which is actually very nice. I believe in the spirit of Santa, too. But the headline implies that 76% of people in town right now are waiting for a guy in a red suit with a bunch of reindeer to appear on the roof tonight and shimmy down the chimney. I cannot tell you how much mileage my family and I have already gotten out of that headline today. I love my hometown.

Merry Christmas!

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