On the Road Again

Dad: We're going to need a bottle of gin for this trip.
Me: It won't fit in the car.
Dad: Sure it will. We can MAKE it fit.
Me: Yeah, okay. That's a GREAT idea. Because I'd really like to get pulled over in Virginia because of some open container law. That would be a fantastic start to my life in UniversityLand.

In all honesty, though, if I could figure out some sort of way to get a nice mellow buzz going for the next week or two, that would be really, really helpful.

My car is all packed up and almost literally bursting at the seams. I managed to inherit several things over the summer (two pairs of jeans that didn't fit my mother, a wireless router, several books, half a dozen new shirts that I didn't actually need because any sane person would balk at the amount of clothing I already own, etc., etc.) plus I had to leave enough space in the car for my dad and his suitcase to join me in a few days and since my dad has to have both seats reclined all the way back in order to be comfortable in my tiny car, that takes up quite a bit of room. I tried to be like, "Oh, hey, we could have a lot more room if you would just drive the whole way! That way only one seat has to be reclined all the way back and we can pack a whole bunch of other stuff behind the passenger seat!" but he didn't fall for that trick. Damn.

The game plan is for me to drive to my old college town tomorrow. I'll spend Saturday and Sunday nights there, mostly just to break up the drive a bit but also because it will give me the chance to see a few friends that I haven't seen for a while and won't get to see again in the near future. Then on Monday afternoon I'll pick up my dad at the airport and we'll drive the three hours to the state line and spend the night there. Tuesday will be a 10+ hour drive, and then Wednesday will be the 8 hour drive that will take me into my new hometown. We'll spend the night at a hotel on Wednesday and then begin moving into my new apartment on Thursday. And if all goes well and the friendly people I spoke to on the phone today follow through for me, my storage pods will be arriving at the apartment on Thursday morning and I should have electricity, cable, and internet all up and running by Thursday night. Seriously, the customer service people I spoke to about hooking up my utilities were some of the friendliest, most accomodating people I have ever dealt with. And the phone was even answered immediately at each place, too! I'm a little afraid to trust this, because if it seems too good to be true it probably is. Probably I'll get there and they'll say, "Uh, sorry, your storage pod spontaneously combusted somewhere in Tennessee and we just haven't wanted to tell you until now." That would be more along the lines of what I'm used to.

I'm feeling very, very anxious about this move. More anxious than I have ever been during any other move. I remember feeling extremely, EXTREMELY, chest-heaving-sobs sad when I was leaving my hometown for college, but that was more because I was upset at leaving behind my boyfriend than because I was actually anxious about moving. Other than leaving Phil behind, I was actually pretty excited to be going off to college. And in retrospect, moving again to start my MA program was kind of a non-event. I was sad to leave, definitely, but I was only moving four hours away from where I had been and mostly it just didn't feel like that big a deal. Plus I was moving to the same place as my brother and sister, so I already had a built-in support system to rely on (and I did in fact rely heavily on my sister for company through my first semester). This time just feels different, though. Maybe it's the fact that I'm moving SO far. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I won't be able to just hop in a car and drive to see my family. I have always been within a day's drive of my family before--a 10 hour day's drive, but still, a day is a day. Now getting home will involve a plane trip, and that's new and weird. Maybe it's the fact that this time I'm moving to a place where I know absolutely no one. When I started college, two girls from my high school class started there at the same time I did. We didn't really hang out much, but still, I knew a couple of people. Plus I had already been to orientation so I knew Kiki (who would go on to become my best friend) and my roommate. When I started my MA program, I had my brother and sister for company. Now I have a friend 4 hours away in Manhattan and my aunt and uncle 3 hours away as well, but that's not exactly the same thing. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm pretty much scared shitless about starting a Ph.D. program. And it doesn't help at all that every time I mention my fears everyone just says, "Oh, you're so smart, don't worry, you'll be fine." I know they mean well and are just trying to be reassuring, but mostly I just think, "...which is why you're going to be even more disappointed when I completely suck at this." I'm trying to be confident because there's no use starting with a pessimistic attitude, but it's hard.

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positive things, though. There really is no point in completely psyching myself out. I got in touch with the head of the graduate department because I was concerned that I didn't know what courses to take or when I'd be able to register, but he said that I have plenty of time and that I'll meet with him and with another advisor to decide on courses in a couple of weeks. So that's good. I had an irrational fear that I was the only slacker who hadn't figured out how to register yet. I have also received a bit more information about my teaching assignment, and we're going to be sent a syllabus which I assume means I get to just follow someone else's lead and not actually teach my own course this semester. So that's also good. And I have gotten two e-mails from other Ph.D. students offering to give me a tour of the area and answer any questions I have when I get there. That's very good and very friendly. Nobody e-mailed me to say hello when I started my masters program and I had no idea what I was doing then, either, so it's kind of nice to have people that seem eager to show me the ropes. Or maybe they're just trying to be friendly now so that they can find my weakness and betray me later (I am really awesome at being negative these days!). At any rate, between the seemingly outgoing students and the super-friendly utility people, I'm beginning to question the stereotype that says people in my home state are friendly because wow, this is way more hospitality than I have ever received around here.

One thing is for sure, though: I had a surprisingly good summer. I came into it expecting the worst, and while I did have that one fight with Phil, it was pretty much the only bad thing that happened all summer. And even that got patched up eventually and we ended up spending a good amount of time together and last night we even went out to the bar and had a couple of drinks like normal friends so I continue to be hopeful that he'll be a part of my life for at least a while longer. I didn't go out as much as I thought I would, but the upside to that is that I ended up spending a lot of quality time with my family, and I really needed that. I feel like I made up for all the times I came home in college and saw my parents for all of three hours because I was too busy kissing Phil. The other upside to not going out much is that I managed to save a lot of money. And even though I didn't go out as much as I thought I would, I did still manage to make some new friends and go out enough times that I didn't feel pathetic. And I found out that I enjoy bartending. And I got to show one of my best friends around my hometown, which was great. If anything, this summer has made me realize that I do not, in fact, hate living here. Not at all. And my dog was spoiled rotten and had the best two months of his whole life so far, which makes me happy.

So all in all, it has been fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on. Wish me luck as I make my way across the country.