Saturday, October 11, 2008

Jumping

I just finished saying goodnight to Penn. He was here with me on Thursday and Friday night, but now he's on his way back to his hometown for the rest of the weekend to hang out with the guys again. Which I totally approve of, by the way. His friends aren't very likely to make the drive here too often once he moves, so I think he should be hanging out with them as much as possible right now. But I was watching him walk across the parking lot right now as he was leaving and all I could think was how I can't wait until that never has to happen anymore. As far as long distance relationships go, this one has been easy. For one thing, while visiting him requires a suitcase and a hundred mile drive, I have never really considered it much of a long distance relationship. I can see him every 4-7 days and don't have to purchase a plane ticket to do so. That's not exactly a long distance relationship in my book. For another thing, we knew from a few months into this that we wanted to be in the same place as soon as possible and we started talking about plans to make that happen. There wasn't that horrible, "When is this situation ever going to end?" feeling that plagued my first long distance relationship. And since every time we get together we end up staying together for at least 2-3 days straight, I think in the grand scheme of things we probably get to spend more time together each week than most couples in more traditional dating scenarios. Still, I'm going to be really happy when he's with me every night (until we reach the phase where we've been together so long that it's a little exciting to have a night alone, but I think that's quite a way in the future).

Luckily, everything went forward as planned with the new job and Penn finally signed the contract a few days ago and starts two weeks from Monday. I'm so excited for him, and a little bit nervous. I really want this job to go well for him, it's such a good opportunity. b,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, m
[That's from the hound dog, he just climbed onto my lap and slammed his chin onto the laptop]
We also found an apartment that I think (I hope) is going to work out really well for us. We do have a second option already secured as well if our first choice doesn't work out, but this first-choice place has so much going for it that I really, really hope we get approved. First of all, it's insanely affordable for this area of the country. Basically, this place is only about $100 a month more than what I'm paying on my own right now, and so with Penn and I splitting the cost it's going to save me money (and save us a lot of money as a couple). And the place is really nice, too. We got lucky. It's actually a condo belonging to a couple that is on assignment in Japan for the next two years. It was originally renting for a price outside of our price range, but the realtor we went out with last week must have liked us because she convinced the couple to rent the place to us for $300 less than the original asking price AND to include all utilities except cable. The downside to the condo is that I'll be losing access to my little lake, and the new neighborhood is closer to the center of the city so it's a little bit louder. But I'm hoping those will be the only downsides. Everything else seems nicer. The condo itself is really nice. It's on the third floor with a big balcony, it has two bedrooms so we can use one as an office, it has a living room and a separate dining area so I can finally live in an apartment with space for a dining table (I haven't had one for three years now!), and it has such a nice kitchen: granite countertops, a breakfast bar that opens onto the living and dining rooms, slate flooring, stainless steel appliances, tons and tons of storage space. I opened what I thought was the pantry and it's actually a big wine refrigerator! (Which Penn will probably insist on using for fancy beer...and there is an actual pantry, too) When I was showing Penn the place on Friday I told him that the kitchen is my favorite part because it feels so grown-up. I don't know why at almost 26 years old I still think of things as too "adult" for me, but this kitchen is definitely one of those things. I love it, though, I can definitely see myself using it. I'll have counter space again! The other nice thing about the apartment is that the couple that owns it painted all of the rooms. It's going to be really nice to live somewhere without sterile white apartment walls. And luckily enough the paint colors match my own preferences: light browns in the main living areas with navy blue accent walls in the bedrooms and burgundy accent walls in the living and dining room, a chocolate brown kitchen and a sea green bathroom. Being on the third floor should also be relatively quiet since we'll have no upstairs neighbors, and the mailroom and laundry room are all enclosed in the building, which is awesome. No more trekking across the apartment complex in the snow or rain to do laundry!
So the condo itself seems nice. At least it will be visually nice, if nothing else! And locationwise it's great as well. It's on the street that runs behind Penn's big office building, so it will take him fifteen minutes to walk to and from work. And since the subway station is right on the other side of his office building, it will take me only twenty minutes to walk to the metro. I could consider the 40 minute roundtrip walk my exercise everyday. I'll have a pretty long commute to school, but at least I'll be able to read on the subway so I don't think I'll mind too much, especially since I generally only go to campus 3 times a week. And if I feel like driving I should be able to get to campus in about 30 minutes if traffic cooperates, which is only ten minutes longer than it takes me now. I like the idea of being able to take the train, though. The amount of money I would normally spend on a yearly campus parking sticker should be almost enough to get me through a year of commuting on the subway (seriously, isn't that ridiculous?), and it will be nice to at least have the option of not continuing to rack up the miles on my old car. The other nice thing about this condo is that a shopping center with a grocery store and a drug store is right behind the complex, so in theory we won't even have to use our cars to run errands very often. We can almost be car-free now! I've wanted that to be the case ever since I moved up here and it was never actually feasible before, but it will be now. Oh, and do you want to know Penn's favorite part of the new apartment? Right next to the grocery store there is a place called "Buffalo Wings and Beer." It pretty much seems like paradise, in other words.

Obviously, the apartment hunting has gotten me very excited about the idea of moving in with Penn. I mean, I was excited about it anyway, but actually looking at places and envisioning myself living there has made me even more eager than I already was. I almost don't want to post this blog tonight because I feel like I'll be jinxing our chances on the condo, but I'd be happy with our second-choice place as well (which is really big, quiet, still fairly close to the metro, and has the benefit of being right next to a huge park). Anyway, in the past two weeks the plan has changed a lot. The original plan was for Penn to move into the new apartment at the end of this month but for me to continue to stay in my current place until my lease is up in summer. But then the more we thought about it and the more we talked about it, the more that started to seem like a dumb idea. I admitted to myself that even with my own apartment it's very unlikely that Penn and I will willingly spend many nights apart. He'll be here or I'll be there, but either way we'll be throwing tons of money away on an apartment that will be empty at least half the time. When we started talking about how much money we can save in the next year if I move into his place sooner rather than later, it began eating at the frugal side of me to think about all the money we'll waste waiting until my lease is up. And then when I found out that I can break my lease without consequence if I pay a month and a half's worth of rent and give thirty day's notice, we did the math on that and realized that if I move out before the end of the year we'll recoup the lease-breaking fine within a few months and still have almost six months worth of savings. And THEN one of my friends mentioned that she might be willing to take over my lease, in which case we'd be able to save even more money because then I could get out of my lease without losing any money at all.
So basically, we've decided that we'll be shacking up by January. If I have to break my lease to make that happen I'll be moving out of here over Thanksgiving break. If my friend is taking over, I'll be moving to the new apartment over Christmas break. And as much as I try to be logical about this and make attempts to talk myself out of it, I just can't stop feeling anything but excitement.
The reasonable side of me recognizes the fact that many perfectly sane people would find it a little crazy to start cohabitating after only being together for 8 or 9 months. I've always had fairly firm ideas about timelines for things like this, and I guess I never thought I'd be living with a boyfriend after less than a year of dating. But in my Personal Guide to Acceptable Timetables, I always thought I'd be willing to move in with the right guy after a year, so what difference does three months really make? Things just feel right with Penn. My other personal rule was that I was never going to move in with a guy just for financial convenience but only when I saw it as a relationship that was almost definitely moving towards marriage. And, okay, yes, a little bit of this is for financial convenience. But the difference is it's not for my financial convenience, it's for OURS. Ours as a couple. Penn and I have talked about the future enough that I feel confident that we're on the same page and he sees this as starting a home together, not just shacking up because we're sleeping together every night anyway.
I know things could still go very wrong. True, it has been awhile since I worried about this relationship potentially blowing up in my face. In fact, I've never felt this sort of confidence in a relationship before. But I realize that a person can feel completely confident and still have something go wrong. I realize that we're taking a risk by signing a lease together and assuming that the way we feel right now is going to last forever. But at some point you just have to take a deep breath and take the plunge. Otherwise noone would ever commit to anything.
The very worst thing that could possibly happen is that we live together for six months or a year and realize that this relationship isn't going to work after all, that everything we've been feeling since spring is just an illusion. And that would suck, of course. It would be miserable. But I'd move out and go back to my single life and I would survive. I've survived a bad breakup before, I could do it again.
But I'm not actually worried about that. I feel very good about this decision. I've been living completely alone for three years. I've learned a lot about myself in that time, and even though I wasn't always thrilled with being single, in retrospect I realize that I'm very grateful to have had those three years. Many people never live on their own at all, going straight from living with parents to living with roommates to living with a significant other. Well, I can tell you with certainty that those people miss out on a lot. They miss out on some frustration, that's true, but they also miss out on a great experience to have exactly what they want when they want with no regard for anyone else. There is no other time in your life when that can happen, and I feel a little sorry for people that never get to experience the joys I've experienced in living alone. There's a tiny part of me-a teeny, tiny part-that is a little sad to be giving up my independent living situation. But it's not because I'm worried or sad about the next step. No, not at all. It's akin to the feeling I had when I moved away from my hometown for the first time, or graduated from college. I'm excited as can be about the next step, eager to see where my life will go from here. But it's the end of an era, so it's hard not to feel a little nostalgic.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that our application gets approved. Like I said, I'd be happy in apartment #2 as well, and if we don't get the condo I'm just going to have to assume it's the universe once again doing what's best for us. But I'm going to be really disappointed if I don't get to use that awesome kitchen!

1 comment:

dsb said...

I think you two will be fine - it sounds like (in typical A fashion) you have thought this through from all angles. If it helps, moving in with Jason actually gave me more independence - and I know that's exactly the opposite of what you just said, but my point is that moving in together wouldn't have put a hamper on it if I had been more independent before we moved in together, and in my case, it's definitely helped me become more secure in the relationship and by virtue of that, more independent. Since you've overcome that hurdle, this will be a piece of cake :) If that made any sense.