I'm back in my hometown for Christmas. It's really nice to be here this year. My sister hasn't blown into town yet, but my brother is already home and my parents are here so we've been hanging out a lot, and Maddi drove out to visit me for a few days, which has been great. She's one of those friends that I'm so close to that every time we see each other it's like no time has elapsed at all even if it has been months. The other thing that's particularly nice about being home this year is that for the first time in...well, in as long as I have been coming home for Christmas...I have no worries at all whatsoever about my ex. There's none of the stress I used to feel when we were dating long distance: the rush to cram in as much time together as possible and then the guilt about choosing to spend time with him over choosing to spend time with my family when I was only home for a few weeks. Even better, there's none of the angst I felt when we were exes, when I'd debate whether or not I should call him when I came back here, always sort of knowing that it would end up being disappointing in some way but not being strong enough to resist the temptation to see him. For three days now I've been trying to figure out why this vacation seems slightly more pleasant in some way, and suddenly it hit me this morning: Ohhhhhh, no worrying about guys! I have nothing to worry about and puzzle over this time! Now I can just relax with my family, knowing that I have a great boyfriend who I will be happy to go home to next week and knowing that I don't have to deal with all the emotional ups and downs of a fundamentally screwed up relationship. I don't think I fully realized until now how enormously grateful I am to be in a normal, supportive relationship instead of one that had me in tears on a monthly basis for a while.* Merry Christmas to me!
I have sort of been taking it easy, in the sense that I've given myself permission to do nothing school-related until January. I have literally no obligations right now, so my biggest task yesterday was deciding whether I wanted my toe nails to be "Red" or "Vodka and Caviar" during my pedicure (obviously I went with "Vodka and Caviar," which was also red, it just had a much better name). But I also don't feel fully rested yet because I keep deciding it's a good idea to go out and close down local bars with Maddi, my brother, and his friends (and, last night, my dad!) before coming home and sitting in the kitchen talking and watching stupid videos on the internet until somehow it's 4 in the morning. It's worth feeling a little tired, though, since I don't get to spend a lot of time with my brother and we've been having a lot of fun together.
On that note, I'm off to have dinner con mi familia. Remind me later to tell you about the plane trip out here. Also, 2008 in Review is in the works. First I need some salsa and more sleep, though.
*Not that I blame ALL of the problems in that relationship on my ex. That wouldn't be fair. I wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs at certain points in our time together, either, believe me. In fact, I could admittedly be pretty damn crazy. Plus I was the one that kept flinging myself back into it and "trying", and it wasn't entirely his fault that he was an asshole about that. Mostly, in my opinion, but not entirely. At any rate, I'm glad you really can live and learn. I feel like I'm a better girlfriend now, and so far Penn is proving to be a better boyfriend than my ex was, and probably both of us have to thank our exes somewhat for that, don't you think?
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