Sometimes my brain just gets so full of nonsense about Sarah Palin that I can't keep it in anymore, and I know I said I wouldn't say anything else about politics this season but I just can't help myself. Sorry!
After doing a bit more research on Sarah Palin, I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact just as qualified to be vice president of the United States as she is. SERIOUSLY. Now, true, I have yet to govern a state. However, I'm thinking that I could make that happen in pretty short order. I bet I could get elected to the local city council based primarily on my charm, my public speaking abilities, my reasonably good looks and, um, my BA. Which I earned from my attendance at just one university!...but maybe I shouldn't judge, maybe she was having financial problems and that's why she had to transfer schools so often?...um, yeah. Then I could become mayor, then governor. I could do that pretty quickly. I mean, I don't even have the obstacle of five kids to slow me down (although,incidentally, the only time I feel remotely supportive towards Sarah Palin is when people try to say that she shouldn't be running for office because she has kids to support. That makes me rage. Husbands can in fact be the primary caregivers and do a damn fine job of it, people!) Anyway, let me govern oh, I don't know, Wyoming for a couple of years and then White House here I come!
After all, even without the experience of governing a state I'm already very well qualified, apparently. I have one and a half advanced degrees. That's one and a half more than Palin. Sure, my degrees are in a subject that has nothing at all to do with law or politics or even business, but the degree it took her six years to earn is in journalism, and my subject is about as useful to running the country as a degree in journalism would be. I've had a passport since I was 14 and I've visited ten different countries, which I'm pretty sure means I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin. Years of seminar classes have made me pretty awesome at masking my deer-in-the-headlights looks as I flounder around saying things like, "Can you elaborate on that question?" until I can think of a good enough BS answer. My mother seems fairly convinced that raising five children teaches you the skills you need to know to run the country, and while I agree that mothering probably teaches you an infinite amount of skills and coping techniques--really--I don't buy that it makes you competent to run a nation. Particularly if one of the said children clearly didn't buy into the parental rules and got herself knocked up at 17. But hey, if my mother thinks Palin's parenting skills make her competent to rule the country, I bet the whole, "My dog is a bonified Canine Good Citizen!" might convince a large portion of the population that I know how to be a competent and benevolent leader. My legs would look damn sexy in a suit, and I'm even better than a MILF because there are no stretch marks on this body, America! Oh, and I know that dinosaurs weren't roaming the Earth 4,000 years ago, for PITY'S SAKE.
So go ahead, aspiring presidents. Do all the necessary background checks and groom me to proudly burst onto the political scene in 2012. Teach me everything I need to know about U.S. policy in about a week or two. I'm a quick study. And during the two weeks where I'm learning how to say what you want me to say without putting my foot in my mouth, I will be fantastic at standing there and looking pretty and letting everyone talk about how sexist it is to ask me anything about my life, past, or beliefs at all WHATSOEVER. Or, you know what? Actually, when I am running for vice president, I'll say, "Bring on whatever idiotic questions you want, media, and I'll handle them!" Because so far the most sexist thing of all is the fact that all the McCainiacs feel the need to shelter her from the media, like she's incapable of handling the storm herself.
Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of issues with the Obama campaign and platform, too. There is never, ever, EVER a good choice for me in an election. I'm nervous about where this country will go if Obama gets elected. But I'm much more afraid of what will happen to this country if McCain gets elected, particularly since, despite the facetious nature of this post, I am actually just barely joking when I say that I believe I am as qualified to be vice president as Sarah Palin.
Why is it that anyone who could competently run this country is too smart to want to be in charge?
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