Worrying About the Wrong Thing

I was going to use my free time today to write up a happy blog post reminiscing about my wedding and honeymoon, but I don't think I'm going to be able to do that today after all.

While I was on my honeymoon I read a memoir by a woman whose daughter was born several months early and had a roller coaster ride of a journey in the NICU. It was a well-written memoir, and I related to the author because, like me, she's a worrier by nature. She had humorous lists about things she had worried about in her life and then wrote of more serious worries she had when she became pregnant. But the thing that struck me most was a passage in which she said--and I'm paraphrasing here--"I worried about the wrong things." In the end, it turned out that she had worried about everything except what actually ended up happening. That came out of the blue and left her completely unprepared.
I'm feeling like that right now. As long as I have known Penn he has worried about his sister, and as I got to know him and her I began carrying those worries as well. She's a great person who has had a challenging life for a variety of reasons, and since Penn is very close to her he's intimately familiar with her ups and downs. So for some time now we've been worried about elements of her daily life, trying to walk the fine line between meddling in her marriage and helping when and how we can. Just recently things had come to a head over a particularly dicey situation, to the point where Penn met with our pastor to get some moral guidance on how to handle it (to continue with vague descriptions, she had asked for his formal recommendation for something that he didn't ethically feel he could support, but he was equally afraid to damage their close relationship by not giving her the support she requested).
So we've been talking a lot about his sister over the past couple of weeks and trying to figure out what we should do and, as always, what move would be most helpful to her. And then last night we got a phone call from her husband telling us that she'd had a brain aneurysm. She hemorrhaged for a long time before they finally got the bleeding under control and then they airlifted her to a hospital in a big city several hours from her home. Penn and his mom caught the first flight from here to that city this morning so that they can be with her. I was doing my best to help Penn focus on best-case scenarios, but of course I'm scared. I couldn't help googling things like "brain aneurysm prognosis" and Dr. Google assures me of what I already knew: aneurysms are bad. Very, very bad.
So, I was worrying about the wrong thing this whole time. Of all the things I feared might happen to my sister-in-law, I sure as hell never imagined that she would have a brain aneurysm. Even I couldn't have come up with that fear.
It's way too early to know what's going to happen. I'm trying to focus on the fact that she survived long enough to make it to the hospital in her small town and to the big city hospital. Apparently 15% of aneurysm victims never make it that far. I'm praying for a good outcome from the brain surgery she's going to have any second now (perhaps right this moment). I'm ignoring the statistics that say that over 50% of people who have a brain aneurysm will die within 30 days following the aneurysm. I'm focusing instead on the small percentage that come out just fine, without permanent brain damage.

She's a God-fearing person with a big heart. She's had a difficult life. If anyone deserves a miracle it's my sister-in-law, but I don't know if miracles work like that.

Damn It

I just wrote a really long post about my great, relaxing weekend organizing the house (we finally finished exchanging duplicates to get all of the things we wanted from our registry and I've been loving snuggling up in our new bedding and filling and labeling magnetic spice tins that stick to the fridge and make finding the spices I need so easy I can't believe I was rooting through spice cabinets for all this time, I wasted so many minutes of my life) and playing "Weed or Good Plant?" in the back yard.
And after I typed up the whole thing, it just disappeared. Blargh. I guess the summary is:
-I love my spice tins and all of our wedding gifts, really, and feel like our house is designed to my liking for the time being.

-I spent an hour today picking up sticks from the backyard and putting them into an enormous kindling pile (we have a ridiculous number of trees [9, I think, and that's just the backyard] and it has been a windy winter).

-Penn and I found two garden hoses that had basically become a part of the ivy that covers 1/3rd of our yard. I got them out of the ivy. That was FUN.

-There are so many plants in the yard. I can't wait to see what they are when everything starts blooming. Today I cleaned all of the dead leaves out of the eight flower pots/planters that Penn and I found in the yard when we moved in. I thought I'd plant herbs in them in a few weeks, but it turns out half of them already have plants beginning to grow in them. One looks like a rose plant and most of the others look like they may be tomato plants. I know nothing at all about gardening and always assumed I'd have a black thumb if given the opportunity to take a shot at it, but the internet seems to have a bunch of information on growing plants and I'd like to try. I'll be researching low-maintenance plants and flowers if you need me. I did plant some bulbs when we moved into the house in November and I'm thrilled that my daffodils are starting to come up. I hope they actually flower!

-I'm finally beginning to feel like we're getting the house to a place where we'll be satisfying just doing basic maintenance for a while rather than major overhauls. The inside feels complete for the time being, and the yard is getting there. Penn spent the day laying mulch in the backyard, which goes a long way toward making the riot of plants back there look intentional rather than just crazy. Home projects are never done, but I think...I hope...we're almost finished making weekly trips to Home Depot. Yay

-Now let's hope tomorrow's predicted severe weather doesn't screw up all our hard work.

What I Did in February

I feel like I am never going to catch up on everything I need to do. I'm beginning to wonder if this will just be a perpetual state: no real set schedule from week to week, a constant set of tasks to work on, an ongoing sense that I'm always an hour or a day or a week behind on everything. Last year I felt a bit frantic almost all year. It's not that I wasn't enjoying my life or making free time to relax once in a while because I was (I don't think this is a dire situation, in other words), but my to-d0 list always felt overwhelming. Every time I crossed something off I had to add two or three new tasks. I was hopeful that life was just intensely busy because I was doing so many big things, and I hoped that once those things were over life would become more simple.
This semester should be more simple, in theory. We own a house now and are completely moved in and settled so all of the time and mental energy that went toward preparing to buy a house and hunting for one and moving into and organizing one is behind us. I'm teaching a class for the second time so there is less class prep. The wedding and honeymoon are in the past so all of the hours that went toward wedding planning are now freed up for other things. Somehow things haven't felt easier yet, though. All of those hours have been replaced by other things, like:

• I've been tutoring at least 10-15 hours a week lately, more when I consider driving time to and from sessions. I thought that maybe I'd take on less tutoring jobs post-honeymoon because I wouldn't feel the pressing need for money, but it turns out nothing makes me more concerned about money than the fact that we may be trying to have a baby soon. I'll (hopefully) hit a point before too long where my ability to bring in an income dries up mostly or even completely, at least for a while [I have so much I could write about trying to decide how often, if at all, I want to work or perhaps need to work while we have young children, but that's a different post...or six...]. I feel this bizarre and somewhat unexpected sense of guilt at the idea of dropping out of the workforce to take care of a baby and even though I know Penn is capable of handling the financing of our lifestyle on his own for a while I don't want him to have to do that, but I also don't want to have a baby and then not be able to at least try to stay at home with my child for a while and, blargh. I'm in an italicized tizzy about it all but apparently the manifestation of this inner debate is that I feel the need to work like a fiend while I still can and save up as much money as possible before I start trying to get pregnant in order to assuage this vague and undefined feeling of guilt about wanting to stay home with a baby and fear that I won't be able to try it unless I manage to save up some mystical amount of money that is "enough" right now.
• On that note, I've also started writing articles for a content farm. I really should be working on my dissertation in my writing time, but some days when I feel blocked on the dissertation I end up using the bulk of my writing time to do articles instead. The $15 I can make for 30 minutes or an hour of working on an article is irresistible. Finding titles that I feel like writing and working on them has become addictive. It's just so easy. But on the topic of guilt, I feel very icky about the ethics of churning out mediocre drivel for internet search engines. I don't even write the articles under my own name because I'm way too embarrassed to think that someone will find these things on the internet. It's not that I think my articles are bad (some of them are actually good, in a cutesy sort of way...my niche is turning out to be articles on wedding planning and Sunday School activities for children), it's just that they don't jive with the reputation of a scholar that I'm attempting to cultivate. That, and I feel like I'm contributing to the devaluation of quality writing by participating in this company's work at all, even though my own work is fine. It's as if part of me is writing for The New Yorker and then in my spare time I'm anonymously writing articles for The National Enquirer and Tiger Beat. And it feels gross to justify my articles by saying, "Well, I need the money," because I feel like that's a slippery slope, but I certainly can't justify what I'm doing by pretending I'm providing unique and important information. For now I plan to keep at it since it's something I can do from home on my own time while I decide how I feel about doing something I technically disapprove of simply because it's the easiest manner I can find of making quick cash.
• Wedding stuff isn't quite over. I finally finished opening and putting away our wedding gifts over the weekend (which was a fun task, of course!), and Penn and I finished all of the thank-you notes. But we still have gift cards to spend. That's not a problem--it's a great thing--but it does involve work on my part deciding which of the gifts we were given we should keep and which ones we should return* and what is the best use of our gift cards at three different stores. We used the ones from Sears to get a lawn mower (that was much needed and an easy choice) but deciding which home decor things to get is a bit trickier. I think I've finally figured it out, though, and we're going to do the gift card shopping this weekend. Also, I'm midway through changing my last name. I'm taking Penn's last name and bumping my maiden name to a second middle name. I spent an hour at the social security office applying for a new card and yesterday I spent two hours at the DMV getting a new state driver license with my new name. I still have to change my cards, my passport, and all of my documents at work. It is a PROJECT. I believe it will make life easier in the long run if I just organize this all now, though. I also need to order our wedding album and prints, and I want to write online reviews for all of our vendors, who were uniformly wonderful and deserve praise for making the wedding exactly what Penn and I wanted it to be. So, yeah, it's the wedding that never ends. Fun as it was--and it was a blast--I'm ready for it to fully be in the past. I hope to finally have all of the wedding stuff behind me after next week, though. Other than the whole being-someone's-wife thing, of course.
  *I only return things when we can't use them. We got two slow-cookers, for instance, and someone bought us lamp shades but not lamp bases, and I want to exchange some plates for different colored plates, stuff like that.
• I was so busy last semester that the course I taught wasn't fully what I wanted it to be, so even though I'm not teaching from scratch I'm doing a fair amount of tweaking to my lesson plans each week. My class is also half the size it was last time, which means that I have less grading but more class prep because the lecture format I used last semester doesn't work as well with a small group and I'm making an effort to create a more engaging, discussion-driven course. So far I'm really happy with how it's going. I really am a good teacher when I have time to focus on teaching. (And I'm a decent teacher even when it's not my focus; I am confident in my teaching abilities and wish I could harness some of that confidence into my research.)
• It will be spring soon which means Penn and I need to focus on yard work. LOTS of yard work. Our yard was a jungle when we moved in but since it was November and everything was dying we just left it alone to get covered in snow. Now a few things are beginning to bloom and I'm eager to see what we find out there in the spring--we don't even know what half our bare bushes and trees actually are--but I know that getting the yard in a state that's not embarrassing is going to take hours and hours of work.
• I'm the secretary of a student group and we're restructuring and holding elections and oh my god, it is so much work. I feel like I e-mail people about group issues 27 times a day. I'm stepping down from my post at the end of May because I've held it for two years and because I hope to be wrapping up my dissertation by the fall semester so it's time for a newer student to step into the role. I cannot wait to pass the reins to someone else. I'm proud of the work I've done in keeping the organization going, but it's someone else's turn.
• At least I am actually working consistently on my dissertation now. I have half a chapter completed and hope to finish three chapters by June. I finally set up an interview with someone whom I've been meaning to contact for a year. Seriously, AN ENTIRE YEAR. And now I meet with two friends every Wednesday to talk about our work and that accountability is helping me immensely.

I'd like to get back into the zone of blogging more than once or twice a month. I like writing here because it's a different format than my personal journal and although I can see that I write less and less every year, I really don't want to kill this thing entirely.
I'm still trying to figure out a concise way to describe my wedding and the honeymoon and how I've been feeling since then, so I'll get that post up eventually. Really.

Mrs.

Today is my wedding anniversary. I have been Penn's wife for exactly one month. I can't believe how quickly this first month has zoomed by.
The years are going to fly, aren't they?

(Real post to come soonish, hopefully. We've been back from our honeymoon for nine days but since I'm simultaneously dealing with the start of a new semester and attempting to catch up on three weeks of ignoring everything in my real life while we were on vacation, it has been difficult to get my life in order. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, though. Yesterday I managed to work out for the first time since I returned from our trip. So time to blog can't be far behind...hopefully...)

2010 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Bought a house, planned a wedding, attended a bridal shower as the guest of honor, published work in an academic journal, visited Montana and Jamaica, survived back-to-back blizzards that dumped 4 feet of snow outside my home, directed a show in City A, went to a rally on the National Mall. And there are more firsts, I'm sure, but those are the ones that immediately jump to mind.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
My resolution for 2010 was to focus on what is important. Namely, I wanted to stay focused on my relationship with Penn and my own health and sanity and not worry too much about all of the major things I was working on and planning all year long. I'm pleased to say that I did accomplish all of the things I hoped to accomplish this year. Last year I wrote, "I want to make significant progress on my dissertation. I want to move somewhere that makes me as happy as my current home does but has more space. I want to teach my own course. I want to plan a beautiful, fun wedding." And I somehow managed to do all of those things! (Well, whether or not the wedding is beautiful and fun remains to be seen, but it is planned and that's what matters.) I'm also pleased to say that Penn and I are still happily together and considering all of the major life changes we put ourselves through this year I think we managed to get through the past twelve months with a minimal amount of snipping at each other.
After all of the major changes planned throughout this past year, my resolution in 2011 is to see everything through to fruition. I want to get married and I want to finish my dissertation. Two major things, but getting married is almost a guarantee, and I think finishing the dissertation is doable if I force myself to buckle down and do the work.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nobody I spend time with on a regular basis in my day-to-day life, but a few people I keep in touch with on Facebook had babies this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, and I am so incredibly thankful for that.

5. What countries did you visit?

Jamaica was the only country other than the US that I visited this year. That was such a fun, relaxing vacation.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A finished dissertation, a marriage certificate with my name and Penn's name on it, a positive pregnancy test (Penn and I have talked a lot about it and we're about as sure as we can be that we'd ideally like to get pregnant in the summer or fall. Obviously we have very little control over that, other than control over when we try, but that's the game plan unless our lives change substantially in some way over the next few months

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
November 5^th, the day we bought our house. Tied to that, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feeling of walking into the house for the first time and getting an overwhelming sense that it was supposed to be ours. I had been in the basement looking around and I walked upstairs just in time to hear Penn asking the realtor, “So, what do we have to do to make an offer?” and I knew he felt the same way I did. I will also always remember the back-to-back blizzards of early February since that kind of intense snow is so unusual here and probably won’t happen many other times in my life.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Publishing a book review, teaching two college courses on my own, getting a successful review of my show, doing a pretty good job of dealing with the stress of planning the wedding and dissertating and buying a house simultaneously.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not spending enough time on the dissertation. It was always on the back burner and I worked on it only when I could find time. In 2011 everything else is going to go on the back burner instead. I read a quote that said that your dissertation will be finished six months after you decide it’s the most important thing in your life. So beginning in February of 2011, the dissertation is the most important thing in my life (other than Penn, of course).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had that weird 24 hour bug the day after the 4^th of July. I still don’t know what that was, some sort of stomach flu. Oh, and then of course there was The Great Shopping Cart Debacle of 2010. I was bruised and sore for a couple of weeks, and seven months later I still have a scar on my shoulder blade from that fiasco. We are so dumb.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The house, absolutely (it seems like this survey is set up in such a way that it becomes repetitive every year; this year it’s all about the new house, apparently).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Penn, for putting up with me when I got worked up over stupid wedding or house details. I tried not to freak out constantly all year, but sometimes it was inevitable. He never once tried to kill me, even when I was annoyed with myself.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A couple of members of Penn's extended family are appalling and depressing. Fortunately we don't have to see either of them on a regular basis and the things they do that are so appalling don't affect us directly--people we care about, but not us--so it's (perhaps detrimentally) easy to just ignore them 99% of the time.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Buying the house, obviously. I almost had a panic attack when I saw the amount of our twenty percent down payment, but in the end I was so proud of us for being able to pay off so much of the house right away.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Picking out a wedding dress, going to Jamaica, moving into our house

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

The Black Keys "Sinister Kid" (Penn was on kick with this song for weeks back in late summer and early fall), Usher's "OMG" (this will always remind me of Jen's bachelorette party and wedding in Missoula)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
A. Happier or sadder?

Probably about the same. If anything I'm happier, definitely not sadder.
B. Thinner or fatter?

Thinner, but barely. I wanted to tone up for the wedding, but I've been dropping and then regaining the same five pounds all year. Oh well! That's why my wedding dress has a corset.
C. Richer or poorer?

Well, we own a house now but had to spend a good amount of our life savings to get it (which is what the savings were for, of course). I figure we probably broke even.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I had worked on the dissertation more often.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

I wish I'd spent less time lounging around in bed in the mornings. I need to get better at getting up when Penn gets up instead of lounging in bed with a book or blogs on my phone and finally getting up an hour or two later. Unacceptable!

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I spent my first Christmas in my new house, just me and Penn alone. It was great, we ate a ton of food, opened presents, lounged around, went to a candlelight service at church. It was perfectly relaxing and a nice, low-key time to be alone together.

21. How will you be spending New Years?

Penn's friend D drove down from Philly for the night with his girlfriend J, and we're all going to go into City A to meet up with Nic and her husband and a few other friends. We're going to a Gogol Bordello concert at a club. We went to the same club for New Year's Eve two years ago and had a great time, so I'm hoping tonight will be just as fun. Also, I am NOT doing Jello shots this year. Ugh.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Still happily in love with the same man I've been in love with since 2008 and hoping that will never change! (Aw, cheesefest!)

23. How many one-night stands?

Zero. Always zero.

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?

Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, 30 Rock

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate at this time last year?

I don't hate anyone. I don't think I can work up that enthusiastic of an emotion. In my opinion it takes way too much energy to hold a grudge and hate. Having said that, there is a woman in my department that annoys me so much that I have now developed what I call a zero tolerance policy toward her, meaning that I try to avoid her as much as possible and do not speak to her unless she speaks to me first. I still don't hate her, though, I just find her obnoxious. Luckily our paths don't cross often.

26. What was the best book that you've read? A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole and The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami (I read that one during the week of the blizzards when we were without cable or internet,and I found it completely mesmerizing).

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Honestly, I haven't paid that much attention to music this year. I did just get Penn's old iPod Touch, though (he bought himself a Nano and is now using that instead) so I'm hoping to pay more attention so that I can download more music this year.

28. What did you want that you also ended up getting?
A house (that's the biggie, of course), my own class(es) to teach, a Kindle (I LOVE the Kindle), a really, really awesome Canon Camera

29. What did you want that you did not end up getting?
Honestly, I think I've gotten about pretty much everything I wanted this year. I'd like a few new things for the house, but that's about it.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

True Grit, definitely. It was awesome!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28 and I bought a house. We signed the papers on my birthday and then came over to the house and drank a celebratory bottle of champagne. It was one of the best days I've ever had.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing. Seriously, everything is going exactly to plan. I'm unbelievably blessed.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I get up in the morning, put on workout clothes, and then since sometimes I don't get around to working out until late in the afternoon, I pretty much wear sweats and spandex all day unless I'm going to campus to work or tutoring. I need to improve on this next year, too!

34. What kept you sane?

Penn, my basset, my journal. The usual.

35. What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jon Stewart. I don't have crush on him, I fancy his brain.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Penn and I Rallied to Restore Sanity, so I suppose it was anti-politics that stirred me the most.

37. Who did you miss?

My parents and my siblings. I always miss them the most. I miss having Kiki as a daily part of my life, too. Talking on the phone just isn't enough sometimes.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

The kids (well, "kids", they're mostly 19-21) that I worked with on my project this summer. They are good people.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

RELAX. Or, as Penn would put it, "No worries, mate." I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to learn it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"She keeps it simple
And I am thankful for her kind of lovin'
'Cause it's simple

No longer do we wonder if we're together
We're way past that
And I've already asked her
So in January we're gettin' married

She's talkin' to me with her voice
Down so low I barely hear her
But I know what she's sayin'
I understand because my heart and hers are the same
And in January we're gettin' married

And I was sick with heartache
And she was sick like Audrey Hepburn when I met her
But we would both surrender

True love is not the kind of thing you should turn down
Don't ever turn it down

I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say
There is darkness all around us
I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me
And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin'
And in January we're gettin' married

No longer does it matter what circumstances we were born in
She knows which birds are singin'
And the names of the trees where they're performin' in the mornin
And in January we're gettin' married
Come January let's get married."

-January Wedding, The Avett Brothers

30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30

As I mentioned last year, I've decided to make a list of 30 things to do before my 30th birthday this year. I won't turn 30 until November of 2012, but I just think it makes more sense to do these lists in larger increments as I get older. Either that or I would eventually have to start filling the lists with complete minutiae. By the time I got to a "60 Things to Do Before I Turn 60" list I'd have to be accomplishing more than one task per week, and that's just ridiculous. So I have made the executive decision that the working list for the next two years is 30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30.

I found it challenging to make this year's list, mostly because of item number two. I have a feeling that becoming a parent will change my priorities entirely, so I can think of plenty of things I would like to do now but I imagine that I may laugh at this list in two years, when I anticipate life will be very different. We'll see!

Here's the list:

1. Finish the PhD (I try to leave major must-dos off this list and limit it to things I would just like to do for fun or because they will make my life easier/better, but I'm putting this one on the list because it is my #1 priority over the next couple of years.)

2. Become a parent (Actually, this one might be my #1 priority...honestly, it's sort of a toss-up. I feel like the pending occurrence of #2 will lead to the forced accomplishment of #1. I hope so, anyway, or else I'm terrified that task #1 will fall by the wayside. Not so terrified that I'm willing to put off attempting to become a parent until I've finished the dissertation, though, because ultimately my biological clock trumps all other considerations since that's the one thing I really can't control at all. I'm 28, my husband-to-be wants an entire hockey team of children, it's time to get crackin'. [Note: I am NOT on board with the hockey team idea...and I think he's joking...mostly...])

3. Convince myself that it's okay not to write a full-fledged journal entry every day. Notes of highlights and lists are better than nothing when life is busy. Print and bind the past four (wow) years of journal entries.

4. See at least ten live productions (concerts, plays, etc.)

5. "The unwillingness to give a hearing to contradictory viewpoints, or to imagine that one might learn anything from an ideological or cultural opponent, represents a departure from the best side of American popular and elite intellectual traditions."-Susan Jacoby. In the spirit of this quote, I'm going to attempt to read--with an open mind--something I'm inclined to disagree with. And I'm going to try to find at least one part of the book that I can agree with. (Yes, this was on last year's list but I really do think this is important, so I put it on the list again.)

6. Figure out a way to store my pictures that is organized and allows for easy viewing but isn't completely dependent on Facebook. (This and the next few items are things I didn't get around to last year but would still like to try to accomplish.)

7. Go on a 20+ mile-long bike ride.

8. Finish a Seasonal Reading Challenge on Goodreads. (This may be impossible, but I want to keep trying!)

9. Visit Monticello.

10. Take the Meatball to a local basset hound event.

11. Take a trip to Las Vegas with Penn.

12. Watch a Supreme Court hearing.

13. Take advantage of Restaurant Week and try at least one well-reviewed, trendy restaurant that I normally wouldn't be able to afford.

14. On a similar note, try at least 15 bars/restaurants that I have never been to before (restaurants tried on vacation when I have no choice but to try new places don't count).

15. Take a trip to Pittsburgh and see Penn's college campus.

16. Go to the local fish market.

17. Adopt a second dog.

18. Ski Taos or Telluride with Penn.

19. Get the fireplace repaired so that we can enjoy the fireplace in our den.

20. Get new chairs for the living room.

21. Remodel the pink bathroom (or at the very least paint the untiled portions of the wall a color other than their current peachy-pink).

22. Cross at least one new country off my list.

23. Cross at least one new state off my list.

24. Get myself a football jersey so I can fit in when we support Penn's favorite football team at the bar.

25. Obtain a membership to the neighborhood pool. (Apparently only 300 families can belong to the pool at one time, so basically I have to wait for someone to die or decide to sell a membership).

26. Buy or otherwise acquire three pieces of actual art for my home. (Real art, not something mass-produced)

27. Throw a party in my backyard.

28. Buy a four-door car.

29. Plant a small vegetable and/or herb garden in the backyard and attempt to grow some of my own produce.

30. Make the list of 35 Things to Do Before I'm 35.

28 Things to Do Before I Turn 28 Recap

I have been wanting to post my recap of last year's list and my new list for this year for almost 8 weeks now. I finally, FINALLY had time to do it today. It feels good to get this (admittedly self-imposed) task off my plate just in time for the new year.

So, here are the items I completed from my 28 Things to Do Before I Turn 28 list. I didn't do as well as I did with my 27 Things list, but, as you can probably tell, Penn and I have been pretty busy this year.

1. Write a book review and submit it to an academic journal. Not only did I write and submit my book review, I actually managed to get it published! It was published in October and I can now look myself up as an author in journal databases, which is pretty damn awesome.

2. Find a dentist here and make an appointment to get my teeth cleaned. For real this time! I did it, and it was a good thing I did because I had a cavity. I'm being especially good and went to the dentist in both January and November this year. It's not exactly every six months, but it's better than I was doing for the past 5 or 6 years.

4. Buy a printer. So, I don't technically have a printer yet, but I put one on our wedding registry, so at least I am attempting to own a printer. That counts, right? If no one purchases it as a gift I will buy it myself.

5. Attend at least six live productions, not including concerts (classical music counts, though; I feel bad making this highbrow/lowbrow divide here but the fact is we attend concerts almost monthly but spend much less time going to plays/opera/the symphony). Things I saw: War Horse, Oliver! (both on my trip to London), Itzhak Perlman/Beethoven's Fifth Symphony (Perlman played and then conducted), The Bluest Eye, King Lear, Richard II, Henry V, Da, and Hamlet

7. Cross at least one more country off my list. Scotland, Jamaica

8. Cross at least one more state off my list (only 17 more to go!). Montana

15. Take advantage of Restaurant Week to try a well-reviewed restaurant I normally wouldn't be able to afford. Penn and I went to a local Brazilian steakhouse and it was amaaaaaazing. I know the meat was the point, but I can still taste this delicious cheesy bread we had there.

16. Go to one of the historic local jazz clubs. We tried one club for Penn's birthday and then went to a different one a few months later when I got a Groupon. Both experiences were great.

17. Read the Dark Tower series. I joked to Jon he had to read the Harry Potter series or we couldn't stay together so he retaliated by insisting I read the Dark Tower series. He's about to finish Harry Potter, so I figured I should humor him and attempt to fulfill his request. There are seven books in the series and I'm reading the last book right now. I had promised myself I would finish the series before our wedding. I'm not quite sure if I'll finish before then since I'm on page 75 of 800ish pages, but I think I'll come close. I may have to finish the last few chapters post-honeymoon (since I'm not dragging that behemoth of a book around the world with me).

19. Eat here, here, and here. I've been to the third place twice now, and the chicken place has become part of our standard restaurant rotation because it's across the street from the liquor store where we buy kegs for Penn's kegerator. Sooooooo good.

21. Buy new ski clothes so I can quit wearing the ski pants I've been wearing since the '90s, then ski at least seven times this winter. It was an awesome ski season this year. Penn and I hit the slopes practically once a week all winter. As excited as I am about New Zealand, I'm sad we'll be missing so much of the east coast's very short ski season.

23. Go here. I went with my sister when she visited in March and enjoyed it very much.

24. Buy a new comforter for the bed. I also registered for this. I registered for a duvet, actually, since I love those things. I'm hoping we're gifted it, but if not I will definitely be updating our bedding when we get home from the honeymoon. It's time for a change!

26. Take a trip to Philly and research a bar for my dad. I actually ended up doing this with my dad when he visited in April. He and my mom rented a limo and took me, Penn, and some of our friends to Philly. It turned out that the bar was not so much a bar as it was a strip club, but it was still a really fun night (I was aware that there were going to be pole dancers but thought it would be more like a burlesque bar. But no, STRIP CLUB. The women didn't get topless, but there was plenty to see. In my dad's defense, he didn't think it would be a straight up strip club when he decided to take us all there.)

28. Make the list of 30 Things to Do Before I'm 30. This was pretty much done 8 weeks ago, I just didn't have time to edit and post it until now!

So, that's 15 of 28 things. More than half! Not bad considering everything else I had to juggle all year long. Let's hope I'm even more successful with 30 Things Before 30.

Christmas Wrap-Up

Penn and I are watching Lord of the Rings on TV right now and it is making me SO EXCITED to be in New Zealand. It looks so magnificently beautiful. Two more weeks and we'll be there! Penn has been in charge of planning the itinerary and it looks like he has put together a great trip: hot springs, cave tubing, speed boating, fishing, exploring Milford Sound, bungee jumping (look at YouTube videos of the Nevis bungee in Queenstown; that's what we're going to do...if I don't pass out in terror before I can jump, which is entirely possible).

Anyway, Merry Christmas! This year was the first year of my life that I didn't spend Christmas with my family. Since we needed to save Penn's vacation days for the honeymoon he couldn't travel to be with my family, and I couldn't imagine doing Christmas without him, so I stayed here, too. I thought it was going to make me really sad, but actually, it didn't. I had a really great Christmas. Penn and I decided to celebrate alone, just the two of us. We went up to his family at Thanksgiving and we'll see them again at the wedding in a couple of weeks. Plus Penn's mom came down last weekend and did early Christmas with us (she got Penn a deep fryer for Christmas, you can imagine how excited he was about that!). So, since we have seen his family recently we didn't feel obligated to drive the two hours to see them. Also, we liked the idea of starting our own traditions in our new home, so that's what we did. Last night I carried on my family's usual tradition of Christmas Eve fondue. I did the meat fondue (which is easy: get a really good quality steak, chop it up into bite-sized pieces, skewer it and stick it in corn oil to cook) and I got Grandma's recipe for the cheese fondue, too. It came out perfectly. It was wonderful having my kitchen smell exactly like Grandma's kitchen, and very comforting to realize that I can carry on her tradition and someday pass it along to yet another generation. After dinner Penn and I went to the late-night Christmas Eve service at church. I had always wanted to do that, but growing up it was never part of our tradition because we always went to my grandparents' house instead. The church service was really nice. There was a soprano soloist with an amazing voice who sang a couple of Christmas numbers, and we sang Christmas carols, including "Silent Night" by candle light at the end. I enjoyed it.
This morning when Penn and I woke up it was snowing! The snow was just flurries and it didn't stick, but it added to the Christmas atmosphere as we ate our cinnamon rolls and opened Christmas presents that my parents sent us. My parents and grandparents were way too generous, as usual. They gave us some money to use for the honeymoon--hooray!--and the best gift from Mom and Dad was Kindles for both of us. We've both spent a large part of today playing with our new gadgets. I think Penn has downloaded something like 40 books already (mostly public domain classics)!!
I spent part of the afternoon in the kitchen making us a Christmas feast. I told Penn several weeks ago that I would make him whatever he wanted for Christmas dinner, and he requested a pork knuckle. Yes, a PORK KNUCKLE. Apparently he ate one in the Czech Republic and loved it, and he wanted me to see if I could recreate it. So I embarked on a culinary adventure that began at an Amish farmers market and ended with ham shanks simmering on my stove for three hours this afternoon. I also made mashed potatoes, my mom's cheesy squash casserole, a salad with my other grandma's salad dressing, crescent rolls, and a cheeseball. I figured it was a wise idea to make plenty of sure-to-be-delicious side dishes just in case the schweinsaxe was a bust. Luckily it came out pretty good. It did get slightly smokier than I expected, and it turns out that as far as meat goes it's just a bit too fatty for me to completely enjoy, but Penn really liked it and I was happy tasting a few bites and then loading up on squash and potatoes. Yay successful Christmas feast! While our meal was cooking we went over to our neighbors' house for a while. They have a daughter slightly younger than us with cerebral palsy ("among other things," according to my neighbor). Normally the daughter lives in a group home in a nearby town, but she was home for the day so my neighbor wanted us to come over so her daughter could meet our dog. So we went over and had a glass of wine and introduced our Meatball to their daughter. I was so proud of my hound. The woman is in her early twenties but she can't really talk and she has the mental capacity and interests of a five- or six-year-old child, which meant she didn't entirely understand how to be gentle with the dog. We were all trying to help her be careful with him, but she would sometimes tug on his leash and grab at his ears and I kept having to boost him up onto his hind legs so that she could reach him from her wheelchair to pet him. And my dog was so incredibly sweet and patient. He let himself be poked and prodded and yanked around and he didn't so much as yelp. And it was so fun to see the daughter's eyes light up and hear her laughter as she played with Meatball. I was humbled, and incredibly grateful for my own healthy life, and so proud of my sweet dog.
All in all it was a great Christmas. I do miss my family, but I'm hoping we'll be with them again next year, and for now I am more than satisfied to be here. We're supposed to get hit with a snowstorm tonight and tomorrow, so I'm hoping to spend the day hunkered down with leftovers and books. Right now there's a slice of my neighbor's pumpkin pie with alcohol-spiked whipped cream calling my name, so I'm off.
Merry Christmas!

21 Days

Three weeks from right now I'll be a married woman. A married woman who will hopefully be taking full advantage of the honeymoon suite at the reception hotel with her husband (which, let's be honest, probably means sleeping because we will be exhausted and we have to fly 30 hours the next day(s) [My mom was so buzzed and exhausted on her wedding night that she fell asleep before, uh, the marriage could be consumated, a fact my dad still brings up teasingly almost 30 years later. I'm going to do my best not to follow in her footsteps on that one!]).

I have an urge to write a contemplative post on the verge of this major life change, but my life has been such a whirlwind lately that I haven't had time to sit down and get my thoughts in enough order for a proper post. Honestly, this entire year has been a whirlwind. The last time I remember feeling like I had time to truly relax without places to be or tasks hanging over my head was on our trip to Jamaica. That was seven months ago! And that trip was only a few days long. Since that time I have been going non-stop: heading up a major summer project, dog-sitting and living at someone else's house for almost a month, teaching summer school, prepping and teaching a fall course, accepting every private tutoring job that came my way, hosting house guests for my bridal shower and various other random weekend events, house hunting and buying a house, taking trips for weddings and conferences, planning the wedding, working on the dissertation when I can squeeze it in. The three-week honeymoon is MUCH NEEDED.
I started working on my 30 Things to do Before I Turn 30 list way back on my birthday six weeks ago and haven't even managed to post that yet. I hope to get it up eventually, but maintaining this blog is at the very bottom of my to-do list. When I don't have any sort of regular routine (and I really haven't for months now) it's the last thing to get done. One of these days when there aren't so many (admittedly pretty awesome) special events going on in my life I'll be able to keep up with this thing again. I hope.

Which brings me to one of the reasons I'm most excited about my wedding: I am excited for life to have a regular life again. I have loved my year of being a bride-to-be, but I'm ready for everything to go back to normal. And that's ultimately how I feel about marrying Penn. It feels like the most perfectly normal, absolutely right thing to do. I feel great excitement for the wedding day. I'm almost bursting with anticipation these days (especially since it's the Christmas season; there is a natural feeling of anticipation in the air anyway that compounds my feeling). I like imagining what it's going to be like to have all of our friends and family members from different times and aspects of our lives together in one place for one crazy day. I keep trying to remind myself that all of this, all of the giddiness and stress and hopefulness and joy that has gone into planning this wedding, will happen only once in my life and I need to savor the feelings and not attempt to rush through them to the next step. But the truth is that the reason I'm excited for the wedding is not so much for the wedding itself, but because when it is over Penn will be my husband. We will be formally bonded together for life. I can't think of someone I would rather face life's challenges with, and I can't think of someone who could better help me appreciate its joys than Penn.
I can't wait to put on that dress and veil and stand at the altar of our church and promise Penn and 100 other people that I will be faithful to him until death. I can't wait to eat mashed potatoes in a martini glass and drink and dance and laugh and pose for hundreds of pictures. I can't wait to explore New Zealand and lounge on the beach in Fiji. But, mostly, I can't wait to come home and finally, officially be Mrs. _______, with all the domesticity and normality that entails. I want to continue to fix up our house and cook dinners and go to our jobs and make budgets and take road trips and walk the dog and have babies and cuddle them and yell at them and walk them to school and cry at their graduations and weddings and watch the seasons change through the picture window in the living room and grow old with my husband. I don't need anything more than that. That life is the most spectacular life I can imagine, and I can't wait to start living it.

The Future of America

I'm proctoring an SAT practice exam right now for my parttime tutoring job. I just finished grading my students' essays. Here are some of the things these high school juniors apparently believe, judging by the examples they provided in their essays:

1. Romeo and Juliet were not allowed to get married to each other, and so to punish their families they killed each other.

2. There is a European nation. Just one (and no, that wasn't just the kid leaving off a critical s in his rush to finish the essay, he repeated the phrase "the nation of Europe" many times).

3. Martin Luther King, Jr. Gave his "I Have a Dream" speech during the Civil War.

4. Barack Obama faces racism due to his race. (As opposed to racism based on his...yeah.)

5. "100 years ago people used to wear colorful clothing in America known as the "hippies" era. They danced to jazz and rebelled against social norms." (Wrong, and then wrong again.Also, oh my god, sentence structure!)