We spent the weekend with Penn's mom for Mother's Day, and we went out to lunch with her and Penn's brother and sister-in-law and their kids on Sunday. As we were driving home on Sunday we ended up on a conversation topic we tend to examine pretty often, I guess because we both find it interesting: What Made Your Upbringing Different Than Mine?
There are myriad differences between our families and the way in which we were raised. Given, there are a ton of similarities, too. We were raised in the same country, we're the same race, the same class, basically the same religion, we have the same number of siblings, we both went to public schools, we both had part-time jobs in high school, we both moved away for college...we had a lot of the same basic life experiences. It's amazing, actually, all the subtle differences that emerge from the same basic picture. And, admittedly, there are also the not-so-subtle differences. Penn's parents are divorced, for instance, and mine aren't, which has had some profound effects. But it's not the big differences that interest me. It's the little things.
There was this really funny moment a couple of weeks ago that, for me, illustrated one of the fundamental differences between our parents. When my parents were visiting in April they met Penn's mom for the first time. I think we were all a little bit nervous about that, but it went great. My mom and Penn's mom seemed to hit it off (as I predicted and hoped they would) and everyone seems happy to be merging our families. Anyway, as we were driving our parents to see our church we drove over a bridge, and my mother exclaimed, "Oh, a river!" and Penn's mom said, "All I see is mud!" And I almost burst out laughing, because it was just so typical of both of them. In actuality it was neither a river nor a mud puddle, it was a creek. But Penn's mom took the glass-half-empty view, while my mom got all excited, probably more excited than most people would get. In all honesty, they likely had the reactions they did because my mom is from the desert (so any water is exciting) and Penn's mom sees a mile-wide river on a daily basis (so a creek is nothing). Still, it illustrates one of the differences between our families, and thus one of the major ways in which Penn and I balance each other out.
See, Penn thinks of himself as having been raised to be a glass-half-empty kind of guy. He has told me before that he makes a conscious effort not to convey all of his negative thoughts to me. He likes the fact that I'm a positive person, and he doesn't want to stifle that. I personally don't view Penn as a negative person. I also don't really think of myself as the relentlessly positive person he sees in me. My theory is that we're both equally positive and equally negative, it just manifests itself in completely opposite ways (as is the case with many of our personality traits; it's part of the reason I have faith in us being a good match).
When we're looking toward the future, I have a tendency to be a major worrywart. You all know this about me by now, of course. When any sort of major event or life change is coming up, I have to play the, "What if?" card from every possible angle. Like thinking about having a baby sometime in the next few years already has me in full-blown preparation-through-worrying mode. What if we can't afford to get a bigger place and the baby has to sleep in the dining room? What if the baby has colic and screams for the first three months? What if he doesn't sleep through the night until he's 3? What if I have to go on bedrest? What if I'm never able to find a job again after taking maternity leave? What if I get post partum depression? What if there is a birth defect? What if I'm one of those people who is permanently paralyzed by the epidural? What if two dozen other much more awful, too-dreadful-to-mention things happen? My mind can come up with hundreds of negative things ranging from minor annoyances to the worst-case scenario. And it's not like I have an anxiety disorder; I can push these things out of my mind quite easily. But when I have too much downtime to think about the future I tend to focus on the negative possibilities.
Penn, on the other hand, is much more relaxed about our future. While he expresses the occasional worry, for the most part when I start fretting he says, "No worries, mate. We'll be fine." And I know he is probably right, but, although I admire it in him, it's hard for me to have the same sort of "It will all be okay" attitude about the future that he espouses most of the time.
When we're in the moment, however, it is almost the exact opposite. Take going to an obligatory event, for example. Once the plan has been made and we're committed to going, I tend to go into the event assuming it's going to be enjoyable, or at least not terrible. Sure, we might get lost or the subway might be running obnoxiously slow because of construction or that other couple might get in an awkward fight again, or we might spend more money than we should probably be spending, but I don't really worry about it. Once I'm in the moment I am determined to find a silver lining at any cost. [Case in point: I went through a bout of food poisoning last night. At least, I assume it was food poisoning. I was awake and in the bathroom last night for more time than I was in bed sleeping. I felt pretty awful. But as I was lying in bed at dawn this morning trying to get my stomach to temporarily stop churning enough so I could fall back to sleep, I thought "Hey, I bet I lost some weight!" I stepped on the scale before getting dressed for the day and it turns out I'm down 2.5 pounds from when I weighed myself last week. Just in time for our trip to Jamaica! See, even food poisoning can have a silver lining!]
Penn, on the other hand, is more likely to focus on the negative points in the moment. He's focused on the rain, I'm focused on the fact that at least we won't get sunburned. He's furious about the traffic jam, I'm happy to have extra time to chat. He hates the guy blabbing on his cell phone behind us, I'm writing the conversation down because it might be a funny story to tell later.
We're not 100% true to these types, of course. There have been times when I have been the one crying because in the moment I DO NOT want to be bumped from the airplane flight. There have been times when I've optimistically assured Penn that we have a bright future when he is worrying about the big picture. But it's nice, I think, that we have the ability to be positive in any situation if we're both always willing to listen to and believe the person saying, "It's all okay" either about the future or in the moment.
Penn, on the other hand, is much more relaxed about our future. While he expresses the occasional worry, for the most part when I start fretting he says, "No worries, mate. We'll be fine." And I know he is probably right, but, although I admire it in him, it's hard for me to have the same sort of "It will all be okay" attitude about the future that he espouses most of the time.
When we're in the moment, however, it is almost the exact opposite. Take going to an obligatory event, for example. Once the plan has been made and we're committed to going, I tend to go into the event assuming it's going to be enjoyable, or at least not terrible. Sure, we might get lost or the subway might be running obnoxiously slow because of construction or that other couple might get in an awkward fight again, or we might spend more money than we should probably be spending, but I don't really worry about it. Once I'm in the moment I am determined to find a silver lining at any cost. [Case in point: I went through a bout of food poisoning last night. At least, I assume it was food poisoning. I was awake and in the bathroom last night for more time than I was in bed sleeping. I felt pretty awful. But as I was lying in bed at dawn this morning trying to get my stomach to temporarily stop churning enough so I could fall back to sleep, I thought "Hey, I bet I lost some weight!" I stepped on the scale before getting dressed for the day and it turns out I'm down 2.5 pounds from when I weighed myself last week. Just in time for our trip to Jamaica! See, even food poisoning can have a silver lining!]
Penn, on the other hand, is more likely to focus on the negative points in the moment. He's focused on the rain, I'm focused on the fact that at least we won't get sunburned. He's furious about the traffic jam, I'm happy to have extra time to chat. He hates the guy blabbing on his cell phone behind us, I'm writing the conversation down because it might be a funny story to tell later.
We're not 100% true to these types, of course. There have been times when I have been the one crying because in the moment I DO NOT want to be bumped from the airplane flight. There have been times when I've optimistically assured Penn that we have a bright future when he is worrying about the big picture. But it's nice, I think, that we have the ability to be positive in any situation if we're both always willing to listen to and believe the person saying, "It's all okay" either about the future or in the moment.
Incidentally, yes, we're going to Jamaica on Thursday. Penn won a free trip for us at a travel expo! I always think those things are scams, but this raffle was actually legitimate. We get a 3 night/4 day stay at an all-inclusive resort. So the room is free, as is all the food and alcohol we can consume, as is the entertainment, as are all the non-motorized water sports. All we had to do was buy our plane tickets, which were reasonably priced. Basically, we're going to Jamaica for less money than we would spend going to a local beach for a long weekend. I've never been anywhere in the Caribbean before, so this will be a new adventure. Here's hoping it goes well!
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