My aunt was here on business this week (the same aunt that was visiting the night I met Penn) so the other night Penn and I went out to dinner with my aunt and Rae and her husband. We were joking that we should return to the bar where Penn and I met and re-enact the evening, but Rae pointed out that we'd have to track down the strange hippie guy my aunt had been hanging out with that night to really complete the picture, and that seemed like way too much effort. Ha. Instead, we went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, where I had the most amazing macaroni and cheese ever because it was made with brie and had bacon AND lobster chunks in it. So fattening, so delicious.
Anyway, at the beginning of our meal Penn and I mostly fielded a bunch of questions about our engagement and our plans, and during that conversation Rae said, "You two are legendary to my girlfriends." I asked what she meant and she said, "None of them believe it's actually possible to meet your husband here. First I told them that my cousin had met a guy in a bar who seemed legitimate, and they were like 'Seriously?' And then I told them that you guys had moved in together and they couldn't believe it, and now I told them that you're engaged and they're like, 'How?! How did she do it?!'" We laughed about that, but it is sort of true. Statistically, it seems that your odds are probably pretty low of meeting a guy in a bar. Or, rather, it's easy to meet a guy in a bar to hook up with, but pretty much impossible to turn a bar meeting into a marriage. I don't know anyone other than myself who has done it (will do it), I've just heard of friends-of-friends who have done it (hence the whole "urban legend" quality to it).* When I announced my engagement to my friends at school, the first thing one of them said was, "Wow, turns out you CAN meet a good guy in a bar!"
In a way I feel good that Penn and I are this small beacon of hope to single ladies in City B hitting the bars on Friday night hoping to meet someone good. It really is hard to date in City B. I met nobody but greaseballs until I met Penn, so I do sympathize with how frustrating it is, and I like the idea of proving to everyone that there really are diamonds in the rough. But then I also feel like maybe people shouldn't tell our story without all the caveats. For example, the wonderful guy I met at a bar in City B? He wasn't actually from City B! Also, we may have met in a bar, but we didn't have what I think of as a typical bar meeting. Neither of us was drunk at the time (Penn may have been buzzed, but I had only had a couple of drinks so I was definitely sober), and we didn't dance or make out or stagger home together at the end of the night. We just had a nice conversation and exchanged numbers. So I feel like I should add, "Yes, you can meet your future spouse in a bar, but it probably helps if you're not engaging in the usual bar debauchery."
Anyway, at the beginning of our meal Penn and I mostly fielded a bunch of questions about our engagement and our plans, and during that conversation Rae said, "You two are legendary to my girlfriends." I asked what she meant and she said, "None of them believe it's actually possible to meet your husband here. First I told them that my cousin had met a guy in a bar who seemed legitimate, and they were like 'Seriously?' And then I told them that you guys had moved in together and they couldn't believe it, and now I told them that you're engaged and they're like, 'How?! How did she do it?!'" We laughed about that, but it is sort of true. Statistically, it seems that your odds are probably pretty low of meeting a guy in a bar. Or, rather, it's easy to meet a guy in a bar to hook up with, but pretty much impossible to turn a bar meeting into a marriage. I don't know anyone other than myself who has done it (will do it), I've just heard of friends-of-friends who have done it (hence the whole "urban legend" quality to it).* When I announced my engagement to my friends at school, the first thing one of them said was, "Wow, turns out you CAN meet a good guy in a bar!"
In a way I feel good that Penn and I are this small beacon of hope to single ladies in City B hitting the bars on Friday night hoping to meet someone good. It really is hard to date in City B. I met nobody but greaseballs until I met Penn, so I do sympathize with how frustrating it is, and I like the idea of proving to everyone that there really are diamonds in the rough. But then I also feel like maybe people shouldn't tell our story without all the caveats. For example, the wonderful guy I met at a bar in City B? He wasn't actually from City B! Also, we may have met in a bar, but we didn't have what I think of as a typical bar meeting. Neither of us was drunk at the time (Penn may have been buzzed, but I had only had a couple of drinks so I was definitely sober), and we didn't dance or make out or stagger home together at the end of the night. We just had a nice conversation and exchanged numbers. So I feel like I should add, "Yes, you can meet your future spouse in a bar, but it probably helps if you're not engaging in the usual bar debauchery."
So, to complete the urban legend I have to plan the wedding so that my almost-husband** can become my actual husband. Here's what I have already discovered about wedding planning: you can do everything in your power not to become insane about it, but because so many other women are insane about it, you don't really have much choice. After spending over a week discussing various dates and vetoing almost all of them for various reasons (too soon, too far away, we have to move that month, I can't get away from school at that time, blah, blah, blah) we have finally narrowed it down to four potential dates, two in January*** and two in March. January and March of 2011. That seems like ages from now. It IS ages from now; more than a year. And yet when I went on theknot.com (yup, I succumbed to peer pressure after 65 million people insisted that was the thing to do) and tentatively typed January 2011 in as a wedding date it put me in a group with other brides planning for the same date and about half of them have already booked venues! What the WHAT?! I figured a year was plenty of lead time, but already I'm feeling pressure to get a space booked before all the good ones are taken. Not that I know what I mean by "good ones" since I have no idea what sort of space I'd even like yet. But basically I've realized that although I'm going to try to stay laid back about all of this, I'm going to have to get on the ball if I want to have any actual choices. Otherwise it will be a matter of planning our entire wedding based on what is available and who is leftover. And I know it will be fun and nice no matter what, but I would like some choices.
So, yeah, wedding planning. I'll try really hard not to make this the all-wedding-planning-all-the-time blog, and I'll try really hard not to buy into all the hype and nonsense, but I would just like to point out now that other women are crazy when wedding planning, and after just a week of clicking around on the internet I can already sort of see how they get that way. Luckily, I've been told by others who went before me that the first few months are really frantic as you book the spaces and vendors and buy the dress but then after that things slow down for quite a while until right before the wedding. I hope that's true!
So, yeah, wedding planning. I'll try really hard not to make this the all-wedding-planning-all-the-time blog, and I'll try really hard not to buy into all the hype and nonsense, but I would just like to point out now that other women are crazy when wedding planning, and after just a week of clicking around on the internet I can already sort of see how they get that way. Luckily, I've been told by others who went before me that the first few months are really frantic as you book the spaces and vendors and buy the dress but then after that things slow down for quite a while until right before the wedding. I hope that's true!
*I do know of a couple of people who were introduced to their spouses at bars, but it was a meeting arranged by their mutual friend(s). I don't know of anyone other than Penn and me who met a total stranger in a bar and turned it into a marriage. Do you?
**Penn thinks the word "fiancee" is ridiculous so he has begun referring to me as his almost-wife. So now he's my almost-husband. We're disgustingly ridiculous sometimes.
***January is definitely my preference since I have fun envisioning a winter wedding. I'm meeting with mixed reactions, though. About half of the people I've told have cheered about how fun it will be to have something to do in winter and how beautiful a winter wedding could be, and the other half has looked at me like I'm crazy for wanting to get married when a blizzard could potentially derail everything. I'm sort of hoping that this winter we get "the big one" and end up with several feet of snow, because that is very unlikely to happen two years in a row...right?
***January is definitely my preference since I have fun envisioning a winter wedding. I'm meeting with mixed reactions, though. About half of the people I've told have cheered about how fun it will be to have something to do in winter and how beautiful a winter wedding could be, and the other half has looked at me like I'm crazy for wanting to get married when a blizzard could potentially derail everything. I'm sort of hoping that this winter we get "the big one" and end up with several feet of snow, because that is very unlikely to happen two years in a row...right?
1 comment:
I met my husband in the bar section of a restaurant...I was waiting tables and he and his buddies ate in my section. He was forced by his friends to get my number then we went a month or so without talking, then I got a random text from him and we just starting talking.
I would try to start looking at places and getting something booked pretty soon, especially if you want a Saturday night wedding. Places fill up pretty quickly. Once I booked my place I think I picked out my dress, bridesmaids' dresses, and then I kinda chilled for awhile and worked on other stuff at a decent pace. Then the last month or so was pretty insane but my mom helped out a TON. I was only engaged for about 8 or 9 months though so I didn't have quite as much time.
Good luck and have fun!
-Rachel
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